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helmet

It happens to all of us. You’re bored at work and you hit up the NFL’s online store and before you know it, you’ve spent $500 on useless crap that really has no functional use other than to tell the World that you’re an impulse buyer.

Take for instance, the above displayed 5 foot Dallas Cowboys helmet for your front lawn. Not only is it ugly and stick out like a sore thumb on your front lawn, but it also says closet homosexual. Just ask Jerry Jones – I heard he has 11 of these lined up on his front lawn.


bubba

Jebus, who comes up with this stuff? I want the job where you get to design crap and sell it on nflshop.com. I mean “Bubba” the inflatable Patriot? If you have kids under the age of 9, I’ll give you a pass on this one. Otherwise, I’d like to know your last name so I can plug it into the sex offender registry.

jacket

Nothing says cool like an ugly jacket with a shitload of patches on it. It’s like being as decorated as a military general, only you’re the general of some sort of local shitty jacket club.

lions

Hey remember your lucky Detroit Lions hat, the one wear they broke the losing streak? Well now you have a place to put it, and it’s a steal at $109. Yes, $109 for a place to put a fucking hat. I can think of a better place to put my hat for $20 and it involves Las Vegas and someone trying to pay their way through college.

howie long

The ink on the divorce papers won’t even be dry before you finish apply your Howie Long Fathead to your bedroom wall. Even creepier would be if you opted for the Fox NFL Sunday version as opposed to the Raiders playing days version.

losman

How about a safe place to store you J.P. Losman jersey? They’re practically giving it away at $219, and it will be money well spent. Why? Because after the divorce is final you can throw out the jersey and proudly display your divorce papers in it.

tree

Holy shit dude. A Dallas Cowboys resin tree face ornament? If you put this up, not only are you getting divorced, but everyone in the neighborhood is putting their house on the market and making sure their shotgun has plenty of ammo.





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2 Responses to 7 NFL RELATED PURCHASES THAT MIGHT TRIGGER DIVORCE

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October 22nd, 2009 at 3:57 am

[...] 7 NFL Purchases That Might Get You Into Divorce Court [Unathletic Mag] [...]

Steve Saracino

March 8th, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Whats up jasmine, dont feel bad about your Army dude. most of em are kids. I was in the Army for 6 and a half years I was a sniper in the infantry and this kid was probrably one of those fags that was like a desk jockey and said that he was like a war hero in tons of fire fights. I was over there in 03/04 and again in 05/06 and after i left it pretty much died down. Anyway, I am soooo sick of everyone talking about war and everyone having opinions on things they would never have the balls to do themselves. you guys rock. keep it up. I listen every morning on my way to and from the VA medical center

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