Not like we haven’t been witnessing the de-evolution for years, but ESPN is the new fucking TMZ. Does it really matter how Tiger Woods crashed his SUV if alcohol wasn’t involved? Do I care one iota about the women in Tiger Woods’ life? Of course not…but apparently I’m in the minority on that one.
ORLANDO, Fla. — Tiger Woods didn’t have to say a word to get Florida troopers off his case. The same strategy may be harder to pull off when it comes to the tabloid media probing his private life.
The police inquiry into the early morning car crash involving the world’s most famous athlete came to a close Tuesday, even though Woods refused to talk to the Florida Highway Patrol. Woods was charged with careless driving, which carries a $164 fine and four points on his driving record.
And that’s where the story should end, but this is going to drag on for awhile. When I was in court yesterday, another attorney (a woman, of course) asked her equally vapid friend, “Why doesn’t he just fess up already?” Well, dummy, because it’s nobody’s fucking business. I’m pretty sure that 99% of people – if they found themselves in a similar, shall we say, domestic situation – wouldn’t want to share with the world what’s going on in their love lives. And don’t give me the “he’s a celebrity and a spokesman, it comes with the territory” argument, because that’s bullshit. He’s a golfer making mad loot playing golf and whoring himself out to sponsors. That doesn’t mean the morons across this country are entitled to know about who he’s fucking.
When Bobby Bowden retires and the biggest sports story is Tiger Woods’ personal life, you know that sports suck. And to ESPN claiming that they “only report the facts,” eat a bag of dicks. You’re citing TMZ as one of your sources. There was a segment last night on ESPN as to what is a riskier investment: Roy Halladay or Avatar. For real. How any sports fan can actually watch that network is amazing to me.
What I’m trying to say is that I really hate people.
