I really have no interest in the lives of celebrities.  I wouldn’t be caught dead watching the E! network or watching US Weekly, and who’s dating who makes no difference whatsoever to me.  I’m just too cool and too important to care about things like that.

But in the case of some athletes, I have to make an exception.  And in the case of guys who are absolute specimens who walk around with nine limp inches dangling between their legs, I can’t help but talk about them.  There are a few guys in MLB that I have man-crushes on, and Matty Kemp is certainly one of them.

So of course, I can’t say that I’m too surprised that he’s now banging Rihanna.  Rihanna done got her ass whooped by Chris Brown, so naturally she will look to the biggest, strongest, Alpha-male she can find.  A man who can protect her as well as thoroughly clean out her pipes.  A man like Matt Kemp.  It was only a matter of time before he started dabbling in A-lister pussy.

What I’m trying to say is that I wish I was Rihanna.

Photo from TMZ.com.