By now, I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures of Greg Oden naked. If you’re like me, the images have been burned into your retinas. For some reason, Oden is sorry about the whole thing.
Oden said that when he found out that those private pictures were on the internet his heart dropped (no kidding) ”my heart dropped.” He says the pictures were taken for a lady friend over a year and a half ago.
Oden told the media last night (Tuesday) that the nude photos are “very embarrassing,” and he ”would like to apologize to everybody: to Portland, the fans, the organization.”
This is bullshit. The only people Oden needs to apologize to are the thousands of men who feel like children after seeing that monster dangling between his legs. One of my hobbies is speculating about the size of athletes’ penises (been doing it for about seven years or so, I’d say), and Greg Oden did not disappoint. He could likely eat peanuts with his penis, crushing the shells and all. He could enter a three-legged race all by himself. Greg Oden, the five-limbed man.
Really, Greg Oden has nothing to be sorry about. If his knees continue to hobble him, he’s got a bright future as a mandingo once his NBA career is over.
Honestly, can you imagine working with that sort of meat in between your legs? There’s so much girth; it’s like a largemouth bass. You may ask yourself why I’m so obsessed with Oden’s dong, but I’m really not. It’s just that when an athlete is packing heat like Oden, talking about it is absolutely unavoidable. Oden could return to the league and average 4 points and 5 rebounds for the rest of his career, and he’s still a first ballot Hall of Famer in my eyes.
