Is Green telling the truth?  I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.  From his Twitter, in which Green describes how he celebrated his 50th birthday:

By running the 40 yard dash in Orlando, Florida in a time of 4.43! FYI, all born between 1946 -1964 are baby boomers…

99% of men will never run the 40-yard dash in less than 4.5 seconds, regardless of how old they are.  Green, who turned 50 yesterday, ran it in 4.43 seconds.  If that doesn’t make you feel like a complete piece of shit, I don’t know what will.  I can hardly play an entire game of full court basketball anymore without my calves cramping up, I can barely graze the bottom of the rim when I jump, and I’m lucky if I can get my girlfriend to moan just once during sex.  Meanwhile, 50-year-old Darrell Green is running the 40 in 4.43 seconds.

If I end up killing myself, let this blog post serve as my suicide note.