Honestly, maybe it’s best to just drop a nuke on the whole fucking city.

A man is behind bars after allegedly assaulting an off-duty Easton police captain and his two daughters at Citizens Bank Park.

Capt. Michael Vangelo and his 16- and 11-year-old girls drove down from the Lehigh Valley to watch the Phillies take on the Washington Nationals Wednesday night when the alleged assault occurred, police said.

Vangelo, 43, says from the moment his family took their seats, a group of unruly men starting disturbing anyone near them.

Vangelo went to report the men to ushers, who promptly ejected them from the game. The man says everything seemed fine until another fan got involved.

That fan — identified by police as Matthew Clemens — was sitting with another, unrelated group of fans who were also disciplined for acting out when he allegedly did what Vangelo describes as the “most disgusting thing” he’s ever seen.

Clemens, 21, positioned himself behind the 11-year-old’s chair, stuck his fingers down his throat and vomited on the girl and her father, police said.

“He leaned forward, he projectile vomited all over me and my daughter,” Vangelo said with a look of hurt splashed across his face.

It’s as if Philadelphia fans have been challenged to be as disgusting and scummy as possible.  I knew that this guy was a Philly fan even before reading the article – the perfect representation of the all the fat lowlifes that make up the putrid city of Philadelphia.

I’ve been to many, many baseball games and it’s true – Philly fans are by far the worst.  They have no respect for anything, including themselves.  If Osama bin Laden formed a team and played against them, I’d have a real hard time choosing who to root for.  Philadelphia shouldn’t be allowed to have professional sports teams.  Turn the city into a giant lab for biological experiments.

[NBC Philadelphia]

This might be the whitest guy on the planet.  However, the dude’s got plenty to be happy about.  Giants are looking pretty tight this year. His last line is the best line.

It’s tough to put into words how awful the new Scott Sapp song about the Marlins is, so I’ll just leave it to the always amusing YouTube commenters:

wampus74: i always wondered what an abortion sounded like

MamoDad: Waterboarding is less painful than listening to this song.

pokeryfoosy: “faith” is the lamest crutch in existence.

onwardcharles : My ears are bleeding.

marshfinch: keep hoping and dreaming and you will suck

bradtaylorthomas: holy fuck. is this for real? who would listen to this shit?

TGreeny30: Does anyone actually like this song? Please respond to me if you do. I swear I won’t make fun of you, I just want to know that you exist.

Yeah, I think that all pretty much sums this up.