This is going to get thrown out of court, right?

MIAMI — Adding to an already contentious divorce battle, Dwyane Wade’s estranged wife has filed a lawsuit, claiming his relationship with actress Gabrielle Union is causing her and the star Miami Heat guard’s two sons emotional distress.

…

The lawsuit alleges Union “engaged in sexual foreplay” in front of the boys, which “severely inflicted the Plaintiffs emotionally and mentally.” It also claims that the boys received “medium size gifts” from Dwyane Wade for Christmas last year, while Union got “the biggest gift of all.”

“Defendant has played sexually explicit roles, including roles as a seductress,” the lawsuit reads. “Defendant has apparently decided to take her role beyond the films and into the home of a married man, Dwyane Wade, in the presence of his two minor children.”

Um, I’m not a lawyer, but…oh, wait a minute.  Fuck.  I am.  And, uh, there’s really no cause of action for getting medium sized gifts when others get big gifts.  Well, not yet anyway.  I’m sure there will be if Obama keeps getting his way.

What?  You don’t like the Obama joke?  Ah well, I thought it was better than the obvious one about Dwyane giving his girlfriend “the biggest gift of all.”  My poor girlfriend, like Wade’s estranged wife, is stuck with medium sized gifts.  Sorry babe, I’ll keep jelqing.

[ESPN.com]