It’s really not a difficult task to produce a cogent argument as to why the following athletes really deserve a little beating. Nonetheless, this article is not designed for humor. I really believe deep in my loins that these 5 individuals deserve a little grounding. I’m not talking about a paralyzing beat down, I’m talking about being shoved in a bar and falling over in front of your girl and all your friends. Just a little embarrassment, nothing intense. Here are the lucky 5……

T.O. and Ochocinco

This is a preemptive blow. Right now, we, the general public, are saying, “Whatever, T.O. and Ochocinco together in Cincy, that’s interesting” and then moving on with our daily lives. Well, my good friends, if you are an NFL fan please don’t underestimate the heaping amounts of bulls$%t that is about to come out of Cincy the entire season. At some points, you are going to forget there is an entire NFL, and think it’s just the NCL (National Cincinnati League). Please do not underestimate these two clowns. I mean the end zone celebrations are going to be asinine, Ocho may even stick the end zone pilon  in T.O.’s buttocks after a touchdown. Plus, they’re both too cocky. Definitely need a beat down here.

Marky Mark Sanchez

Do I really have to explain myself after this picture? I think Mark’s going to be pretty good. It’s like the dude collected his $200 without passing go. We need a little speed bump on the highway of success here don’t we? This isn’t a jealousy thing at all. I just think Sanchez is on a record pace for his head to explode it’s so big. He can keep playing good ball, and locking down beautiful women. He just needs a little beat down in the midst of the fun.

The Miami Heat Triumvirate

You know, it just chaps my ass I have to put this one on the list. It’s OBVIOUS, I get that, but I needed the opportunity to take a shot at D-Wade. Yeah, Bosh and Lebron are guilty by association. Wade’s become a smug little a$$hole. He was the down to earth, hard working, quiet guy out of college. Now, he’s having affairs, getting divorced, and acting too hollywood. The fame has corrupted him, and really making him deserved of an ass-whooping. I’m not diggin’ you anymore pal.

Brett Favre

If you think you’ve heard the last of this guy you’re kidding yourself. We are not safe until he doesn’t play for 3 consecutive seasons, for real. Nobody tells Brett Favre s$%t. Seriously. It’s his world, and were just living in it. He’s bigger than the NFL if you didn’t know. I’m sick of this dude, he needs to fade into the abyss or get his ass beat. Since he’s never going to fade into the abyss, it’s the only other option.

Hanley Ramirez

This is my article so I can afford to be selfish. Hanley, the cornerstone of my fantasy team, has officially pissed me off to the max. His last home run…… July 2nd. One stolen base in the past 8 days. Four RBI’s in July. The dude is a pure singles hitter. I’m lucky if he goes 2-5 with two singles so he doesn’t muff up my average too. Oh, and he doesn’t hustle on the field, and seems like a cocky little butthole.

Honorable Mention

Joba Chamberlain – Karma’s a mother. Guy couldn’t get me out these days
Mark Cuban – Beating up a billionaire might surpass sex for me.
Albert Haynesworth – One punch and run, he couldn’t catch you. TEEHEE
Jason Kidd – Hits his wife, deserves to be hit times ten
Brett Myers – See Jason Kidd
Philip Rivers/Jay Cutler – Maybe they’ll beat each other up!? Rivers makes me sick