Usually, I would go on a rant about how professional athletes are pieces of shit, etc. Not this time. I’m actually not even mad about this one. The fact of the matter is; this making news is punishment enough for dear Louis.

Oakland WR Louis Murphy was arrested in Florida yesterday for a series of violations stemming from a traffic stop. When police investigated the scene, they found an unauthorized bottle of viagara. Because Murphy resisted arrest and made such a big deal out of being pulled over his vehicle was searched. That’s when they found the viagara, and then the world found out Louis has erectile dysfunction.

Roger Goodell, who is cracking down on the league’s substance abuse policy, has a big decision to make here. It’s a substance, Murphy was abusing it. He could be the first player to be suspended for viagara. Viagara. The fuckin kid is like 24 years old. The good news is we won’t be hearing about him raping a girl in a club bathroom.