Jun 15 2011
Hey Fans! It’s your boy Lebron James. It’s been a long road to the top. If you all remember in High School I was anointed King James. I was in line to be the next Michael Jordan, and potentially the greatest player in NBA history. I was drafted #1, I won Rookie of the Year, and things just took off. I won MVPs, I did commercials, the people loved me. I owned the city of Cleveland and promised them a title. It was a long road to the top, full of hard work. I know a lot of you can relate to that. So now that we’re on top, how to we fall from grace quicker than a blink of the eye. I’m here to help you with that. Follow my 5 step guide, and not only will people hate you and hope you fail, you’ll murder your name forever.
Here are my five steps!
First: Abandon the City that Loves You
This is key. You promised people you would never leave them. You vowed to take them to the promise land. Then WHAM! You bail, and you do it like a d-bag. You hold a show, and really show them up. Rub it in good when you do this!
Second: Hold a Party Before You Win Anything
This just shows you’re a cocky a$$hole, and it’s vital. You need to take this step. Really make it extravagant, not only saying F You to your old team, but saying F You to the rest of the league. You’re bigger than them, remember that!
Third: Start Doing Commercials That Suck
Remember, you are the villain and everyone else can kiss your ass. You don’t care what people think (even though you do). You act like who gives a sh%t, I’m going to do me bro.You’re going to want to be seen by people all the time, and seen in a negative way, trust me on this one.
Second: Act Like a Cocky Jerk, In a Losing Awful Effort
Who cares man!? You’re just clowning people. It doesn’t matter that you turn out to be a total punk on the court in the playoffs. If you don’t play well in the clutch, who gives a rat’s ass. You’re doing you, making fun of people, it’s all good. This step is important too. It shows how much of a low-life you really are.
Lastly: When It’s all Said and Done, Give Everyone a F You!
Go out with a bang. Tell everyone who watches you, buys tickets to your games, who basically pay your salary that they are NOBODY, and you are somebody! That’s right. I’ll be back next year, and you’ll be serving my kids McDonalds. That’s right motherfu$%er.
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