Dear Kobe,

Let me be one of the first to wish you best of luck in the 2012 NBA Season. I guess we can call it the 2012 NBA Season seeing there aren’t many games in 2011, right? Wishing you nothing but health and success for the shortened campaign. Thanks so much for giving us peasants a season.

There is an issue I’d like to address with you before it gets too late. I’ve been hearing rumors that you “have a crush on Kim Kardashian“. She’s freshly divorced, you’re freshly divorced. She likes high-profile black athletes, you like anything that walks. Lamar Odom is even putting in the good word. Kobe, I’m scared for you dude. I don’t think you need to hop in the sack with Kardashian and let her suck your blood man. It’s just not the right time.

My friend, your image still hasn’t recovered from that little escapade in Colorado. Kim Kardashian took some no-name chump, whose shelf-life in the NBA is probably 2 years, and made him relevant. When I say relevant I’m talking about… THE MOST DISLIKED PLAYER IN THE NBA. You dig where I’m coming from Kobe? Listen, if you need a companion find a nice hairdresser for a couple months before the celebs come calling. You need to lay-low right now.

Thanks Kobe.

Yours,

Unathletic

P.S. Sorry the Clips are better than you now. I, too, thought hell would freeze over before that happened. Get your ice skates!

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